Victims of sexual abuse often feel like they, their circumstances, and everything else around them is out of control or are all things they can’t control. This may be because they did not have control over being abused. They couldn’t do anything to stop it, get away from it, or undo it. This feeling of a lack of control bleeds into the rest of our lives.
I have a propensity for being a control freak. I know this isn’t healthy and usually leads to more anxiety and stress and unwarranted fears. The list of all I can’t control goes something like this:
- My kids’ behavior or their choices
- Sickness and serious illness
- Car accidents
- Scary situations at my kids’ school or on their bus
- Whether or not people are mean
- House fires
- Earthquakes or other natural disasters
- Actions of others, and how they think or feel
Logically, I know some of these things are ridiculous to worry over, but it’s still there. The only thing that calms me down is to pray and give it to God and let go. I have to rely on the knowledge that the things I cannot control are in God’s hands. He is in charge.
But there is one thing I can control: ME. I am in charge of myself, my thoughts, my actions, my responses to others, my healing. I get to decide what to do and when. I can choose to act positively or negatively.
Obviously, we can’t always control mental health or moods, but we can choose to let it fester and get worse, or seek help and a solution to it. We can be proactive in improving or working at it even while we are struggling.
A huge thing you can do is take control of who you let in your life and how you allow others to affect you. You don’t have to keep letting people in your life who hurt you. Put up boundaries to protect yourself. You don’t have to respond to phone calls, texts, emails, or attend gatherings that will do more harm than good. You couldn’t stop the sexual abuse from happening, but you can stop yourself from being around those who hurt you, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually.
Take control of your healing and your needs. You are in charge of yourself and can’t be responsible for the actions or feelings of others. They are in charge of themselves and have to make their own choices. We all have our agency. You are not responsible for the happiness of others. Someone else’s happiness is not contingent on what you can or cannot do for them. Their happiness is not your responsibility.
This may seem selfish, but it’s not. It’s being smart and taking care of your needs to keep you safe–physically and mentally. Give yourself permission to let go of everything you can’t control and focus on what you can: yourself. Take your control back and choose healing. Choose safety. Choose peace. Choose happiness.
Take control of yourself and let God take care of everything else.